So, it's been almost a month since my invitation to serve in Lesotho, starting November 4, 2010 as a Math and Science Teacher, was cancelled, much to my horror (see my PC application timeline for context).

The disappointment has been tempered and softened with the passed time, but it still makes me a tad (or tid...your choice) bit sad to think that I could be in Lesotho at this very moment.

Applying to Peace Corps, for me, has been something akin to this: telling the most beautiful woman of your dreams that you love her and that you'll do anything possible to be with her; wait ~5 months in the dark, only to hear you have a rare enzyme deficiency, but hey, there still might be hope for you two; wait 3 more months, only to hear that the first scheduled rendezvous for the two of you has been cancelled (with nary an explanation); wait 2 more months, only to hear that the second scheduled "program" is now "full" (what a tease!), but hey, since you're such a nice guy, she was willing to schedule you in ad-hoc; devote hours upon hours of intense emotional and mental preparation, and plentiful dreams of what it will finally be like to meet...only to have everything crushed and destroyed 20 days before "departure".

To borrow a quote from comedian Kirk Fox, having my Lesotho invitation revoked is a lot like spending ALL DAY making a sandwich, only to have someone snatch it from your hands right as you're about to take a bite, and flush it down the toilet.

Down the toilet, yo.

But...to keep this post moving forward, some of you may know that I was presented with the option of choosing between nominations of Kazakhstan, Albania, and Morocco.

While some may view this as an awesome, bomb-diggity opportunity, this apparent blessing is/was somewhat of a mixed bag.

On the one hand, I am in a very privileged position, owing to the fact that usually the only applicants allowed to "pick" their countries are RPCVs who are applying for a second term.

However, as they (a.k.a. Spiderman) say(s), "with great power comes great responsibility".

Having to choose your country of service kind of sucks, to be frank.

It didn't make it any easier when all of the PCVs from Albania I contacted clamored over Albania, much in the same manner (and key and tone) that Morocco PCVs raved on and on about the exotic amazingness that is Morocco. Nor does it make it easy or provide comfort the creeping worry or suspicion that I might actually be making the wrong choice (if a wrong choice can indeed be made) and end up with "buyer's remorse".

But...Dear Readers:

I finally have made The Decision (no, I did not televise it on ESPN and donate the proceedings to charity). I did, however, stay at a Holiday Inn...(and by Holiday Inn, I of course mean sleeping 10-11 hours a day, at home, working very minmally hours part-time)

My desperate rambling notwithstanding, my ultimate choice was (and is) Morocco (over Albania).

It was the hardest decision I've had to make in my life (I'm pretty sure that's not an exaggeration) - one that I do not wish to impose on anyone else, but I'm running with it, and will let the cards lie as they may.

On November 4th, I decided to take the plunge and tell my placement officer I wanted to accept my nomination for Morocco. (One reason why it has taken me so long to come to a decision is because I wanted to know which countries would allow me to leave to attend my sister's wedding in June (which is technically against the rules, if I start in March, due to the "no leaving during training + first 3 months of service" policy)...Morocco's country director said yes, but we were still waiting for Albania after ten days...)

My email to my PO said the following:

"Hello, Choosing between Albania and Morocco has been extremely difficult, and I am sure I would have a great time in either country, but I am going to go ahead and accept my nomination for Morocco...I am 100% committed to Morocco now and will run with it with no regrets."

My PO then said she would mail the official invitation via UPS.

It arrived on November 9th via UPS Ground:










...And a picture of me holding up both of my invitation packets (Lesotho and Morocco):



...So why did I choose Morocco, even though my fancy Excel statistical analysis seemed to indicate that Albania had more to offer?

First, I would be lying if I didn't say that I hadn't changed my mind at least several times over the course of the past 3 or 4 weeks. I would wake up one day (or one weekend) thinking Albania, and then the next, Morocco.

But here is what did it for me:

In order to help propel me in one direction, I intentionally magnified the differences between the two countries. One of my friends told me that Morocco seemed like "work", while Albania seemed more like "vacation." Overly simplistic? Yes. Unfair? Probably. But did it hold any small nugget of truth, perhaps hidden underneath its facile outer wrapping? Yes.

I felt the choice between Albania and Morocco could be seen (however unfairly) as:

Comfort vs. Challenge.

After some pensive personal reflection (what a hippie!), I decided I would be happy in either country, but that the real reason I was avoiding Morocco was simply due to fear of the unknown and having reservations about being *completely* outside of my "comfort zone."

Albania definitely would have been the "safer" choice - that much is clear - and after learning so much about Albania (and Lesotho), I do hope and intend to visit there some day.

It is nowhere close to being a falsehood or exaggeration to say that there are more social, ethnic, and religious disputes and disagreements between people in Morocco than Albania, but I felt that I was intentionally focusing on those negative aspects (however minor they may be...and they truly are minor), in an effort to rationalize my choice for Albania.

I think being exposed to things that you do NOT like is an important life experience, and to shy away from things simply because they do not strike your immediate fancy, is to ignore reality and the many shades of the "human experience."

As Oscar Hammerstein once wrote, "I know the world is filled with troubles and many injustices. But reality is as beautiful as it is ugly. I think it is just as important to sing about beautiful mornings as it is to talk about slums."

I also felt like I would have had feelings of guilt for picking Albania, for being in an apartment with infrastructure for water and electricity, and that I would have felt I hadn't really left America all that far behind with its European lifestyle. While it remains to be seen what type of living accomodations I will have in Morocco (ironically, Albania AND Morocco are both characterized as "Posh Corps"), I felt Morocco was more in keeping with my childhood dreams/image of Peace Corps - living in a simplistic mud hut in an African village.

[I am a sucker for landscapes and the outdoors.

One of the many reasons I dislike Indiana and want to move back to the Northwest, where I grew up, is because I miss the scenery of the Northwest - the evergreen trees, the ocean, the forest, the mountains].

Morocco's landscape, with the Sahara and its unique architecture, is absolutely stunning and puts Albania to shame on any semi-objective scale.

As one Morocco PCV told me, "there is plenty of adventure here [in Morocco]", and the more adventurous side of me was lured by the appeal of a camel ride through the Sahara, tales of capturing scorpions in the rural mountains, the vibrant and rich heritage and world-renowned international cuisine, and the many sights, sounds, and smells of the open-market souks that are nowhere to be seen (or heard, or smelled) in Albania.

Morocco will definitely be, far and away, the most challenging experience of my life.

This is not to say that Albania would not have presented its challenges as well.

But I think I'll be more content ten years from now knowing that I stared down and faced challenge (or maybe more accurately, the more challenging challenge) head on, and came away with a much deeper appreciation for and understanding of Arabs, Muslim culture and lifestyle, and how amendable (or intractable) racial, ethnic, and religious conflict is in the Middle East and beyond.